im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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