4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
