Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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