I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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