No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
