its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
