I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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