So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
