My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
