I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
