He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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