What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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