I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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