I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
