So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
