If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
