Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
