just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
