we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Randomize
