there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I need to align my fucking chakras
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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