genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
