So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
