Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
