he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
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Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
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So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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