Someone shit on the floor
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
