It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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