Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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