new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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