I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
