I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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