I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
