My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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