After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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