Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
someone owes me an orgasm
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
