im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
