your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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