The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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