East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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