i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Do vagina's smell?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
