Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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