Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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