All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
