3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
