Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
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He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
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I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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