did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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