Fine. I'll sleep in my office
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize