I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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