i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
high people should be assigned attendants
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
