Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My dick has a subreddit
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
