He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
