He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm both gender and math confused
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
