i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
