The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
