i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
