Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
