I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
