Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The feeling are messing with the penis
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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