I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
