one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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