It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
