This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
we should paint friendship bongs
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