how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
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We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
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You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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