Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
