i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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