i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
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hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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