the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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