If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
