Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
