Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I bet he comes in French.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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