im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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