Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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