Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
