You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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