4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
40s are totally the cure
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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