Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
