I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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