I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
