he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
