Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
