All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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