who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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