We're facebook friends in real life
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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