I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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