my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
