The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
There are leaves in my underwear?
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