Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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