Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
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