Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
