Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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